“I thought I heard you loud and clear, Lord. I laid the tracks on the path marked before me. I carefully lined up each train car, one right behind the next. The schedule was set, each destination mapped out, arrival and departure times synced to the second…Why am I derailed? Where did the tracks go? I should have been “there” by now. Why am I still chugging around lost?”
The thoughts swirl violently around my mind as I try and build my son’s train tracks for him. The frustration building as my progress is destroyed by two tiny, curious hands. He is innocently exploring while I’m silently imploding from the weight of a weary heart.
It’s never about the actual children’s train set, is it?
There’s always a deeper heart issue, a deeper hurt that refuses to remain buried any longer.
Today its not about the train set. It’s about feeling forgotten, confused about why circumstances are the way they are in my life. Even still. After following in obedience. After all the prayers. The bruises from repeatedly falling to my knees. Tear and snot stains on my sleeves. The sleepless nights of worrying and wondering.
“Did I hear you wrong? Have you forgotten me? Father, meet me here. I need you.”
A quick prayer whispered and I feel a stirring. My son doesn’t seem to notice as the train tracks make there way into his mouth. But I do. There is peace and stillness settling into my soul, filling the room around me. With eyes still closed I lean in, waiting for the still small whisper, “You are mine. I have plans for you beyond anything you can imagine. Trust me and keep going. I see the work you are doing, even when no one else does. Remember my goodness and my promises to you. I love you.”
As a smile creeps across my tear-stained face, I open my eyes and pick up the train tracks once more. The work will never be easy, but I know who I am building for and that makes it all worthwhile.