The Eve of My Baby’s First Birthday

My mind and my heart are a mess of feelings that I don’t know how to process yet. So, I did what I know to do- I prayed and then I wrote. Here is a little peek into my Mama heart…

Sitting here in the dark, holding my baby and counting down the hours (3 to be exact) until he isn’t my tiny baby anymore.

He turns one tonight.

I’m excited and proud and heartbroken and grieving. I knew this day was coming. All of us Mamas do. The first birthday, first steps, first day of school. What I have never been prepared for are all of the lasts. Some you can anticipate, like his last bedtime nursing as a baby. But most you never realize until they’ve passed. It feels cruel sometimes.

We care for, nurture, teach and love these tiny little people. Our literal hearts walking around outside of us. Always wondering if we’ve done enough, loved hard enough, taught them enough.

Motherhood is a jumble of prayers and praise and patience.

The days are long but the years are short. The mundane, hidden work has an eternal and holy purpose. These little souls are in our care, learning about the goodness and love of God through every booboo kissed and lunchbox note.

Our job is hard. It’s exhausting. It requires a servant-heart and more patience than we could ever possess. But being a mother is also joyful. It’s beautiful. It’s holy and it brings us closer to our Father’s heart.

This is the blessing of motherhood.

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