Reflecting On 3 1/2 Years of Marriage

One thing I will never understand is how on earth being married feels like it started just yesterday but also a lifetime ago.

When I look at these pictures and think about where we were 3 1/2 years ago I know 100% that where we are now is SO far from where we thought we would be. But that’s the beauty in it.

Saying “I do” would’ve been a little less scary if we had a roadmap or an itenerary…but it also would’ve been incredibly boring, maybe even disappointing.

In the past 3 1/2 years we have experienced: 3 new jobs, being jobless, moved 3 times, had a baby, bought a house, watched our oldest start kindergarten-3rd grade, experienced a few family members pass away, started new family traditions, adopted 2 dogs, experienced a pandemic, homeschooled, found out were pregnant again and started home renovations… that’s just some of the “major” events I can recall at the moment.

Thanksgiving 2020- Pregnant with our 3rd baby

Through all of that, we have come out stronger…but also realized how much more work marriage is and will be. It is a hard and sanctifying process, but also beautiful and fun.

I joke with chase in saying’ “I love you, but I really don’t like you right now.” We laugh and it eases the frustration I may have at him, but it’s such a true statement. We don’t always agree or see eye to eye or understand each other. We get mad and fight and there are tears, of course. We are human after all.

No matter how angry or upset I may feel, it does not change the fact that I love him. That I choose to love him. By choosing love, I’m choosing to set down my pride, my selfish desires and my need to be right. It’s incredible hard and I don’t always get it right.

I’m learning how selfish I truly am. How much I prefer to hang on to bitterness and anger rather than forgive and mend things. I’m learning that I can’t expect my husband to be everything I need because he is just a person and it’s unfair to place that kind of weight on him.

Only God can be my full source of joy, peace and identity.

October 24, 2015- The night I became his girlfriend.

I’m also learning that I have the incredibly intimate ability to encourage him. To walk beside him through the difficult moments and celebrate with him in the incredible moments. I get to be the one to love him and pour out prayer over him as he walks through his day. That’s a calling I will forever be grateful for.

I love my husband dearly and I adore him more than any other human. But I do have to be careful not to place him on a pedestal or use him as a carpet. The goal in marriage is never to tear the other person down for shortcomings or elevate them to a false sense of perfection. He needs me to hold him accountable just as much as I need him to keep me humble. This is best achieved when done in love and with truth. I trust that he has my best interests in mind and he trusts that I do the same for him.

Hollywood makes marriage look so fun and light-hearted and easy all the time that we often feel like failures when the reality gets hard and messy and uncomfortable. It may be hard work, but it is always worth it. I would rather have a marriage I have worked hard on and grown deeper with my husband than a shallow, easy marriage that never fully satisfies.

Most importantly, I wouldn’t want to walk through life with anyone other than Chase. Cheesy, but so very true.

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