It is here that 18 year old Hannah would have spiraled in the past, letting fear and doubt win. She was shaky in her identity and just wanted to belong. A new mom, graduating school (and the life she knew) and really unsure about God.
24 year old Hannah would have closed my Bible, got up to ice my knees sulking about the pain and wasted tears. She would give God the cold shoulder and let the pain be her identity. There were too many unknowns and losses knocking her relentlessly back to the ground. The bruises and wounds too raw to fully trust in a good God.
But 28 year old Hannah? I’m learning to press in harder when the storms howl around, straining my ears for the still, quiet voice I have finally begun to recognize. This voice, God’s voice, though quiet, is extraordinarily powerful. More so than any storm or doubt or fear that threatens to shatter the ground beneath me. This version of me is a little more steady, with stronger knees and bolder prayers. I know who I am and to whom I belong. My pain and anxiety no longer define who I am or what I am called to do. I fully trust in the goodness of God because I have experienced Him intimately. I will still fall and get bruised up but my hand remains firmly in His, waiting to be gently lifted up. Together we carry on.
I am still incredibly proud of all the past versions of me that got me to this point. She did the best she could with what she had. You only know what you know. I wish I could hug her, tell her it gets better and sometimes worse. But that God remains constant, especially 10 years later.
His goodness is there. Lean in.