Right now, this season of my walk with God is filled with more worship than reading my Bible. Maybe you feel that way too?
I want to sit down and dig in deep, pulling out truths, discovering more of God’s character, and leaning in to hear His wisdom whispers buried in the pages. There was a time 4 years ago when that is what Bible study looked like for me. While B was in school, I would settle into my tiny desk in our apartment bedroom, with pens, highlighters, Bible and journal scattered before me. I would reach for my mug of hot coffee, pull my favorite blanket up into my lap and soak in as much as I could.
I didn’t know then how truly special that time was to me.
A lot has changed since then. This season of my life is drastically different with a baby and toddler to care for. They pull my attention and limit the deep study time I once had. I struggled at first with this sudden change in routine.
But motherhood, like many things, is teaching me just how big and good and “unable to fit in my box” God is.
In these 4 years my relationship with God has changed too.
You see, 4 years ago I knew the Bible deeper. I was learning how to cross reference verses, look into the Hebrew and Greek definitions of words, and study the history for context. The more I studied, the more I wanted to know. I just couldn’t get enough.
Today, I know the heart of my Father deeper. I don’t just know about Him…I know Him.
This is a season of worship. I don’t have the time to devote to a deep dive into my Bible and that is hard for me to admit. It felt like I was a “bad Christian” because I wasn’t having a sit-down quiet time. But The Lord is graciously showing me that it was never about the time you’ve spent devoted to reading. It’s important, absolutely. But God wants a relationship with us.
“And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37 ESV
Since I don’t always get to sit down and read, I have been praying to see God in my day, for Him to show Himself. I know He is always there but I hardly take time to notice His presence. I have also discovered a deep joy for worshipping Him in my kitchen with my babies and reading their Jesus Calling book over them while they play.
There is joy in surrendering to God and trusting that I can know Him more deeply. Even now.
Even without being able to study His word in depth. He is showing himself to me through the words of my favorite worship songs, through the comfort of my children as they snuggle in close to me, through the love of my husband who works so hard to provide for us.
One day I will be able to return to my kitchen table, all of my favorite study tools surrounding me, digging my well a little deeper. And I look forward to that day.
But I am so grateful that God, in His goodness, chooses to show Himself to me even still. In the midst of motherhood. In the everyday, mundane beauty of my life.
I want to encourage you that if you have time now to dig a little deeper, please do. The wisdom whispers waiting for you are abundant and beautiful. And if you too are in a “busy season” of life like me, look around in expectancy for God to show Himself to you, right where you are.
He wants us to know His Word, that will always be true.
But He also wants us to know His heart.
He is waiting for you.
Let’s enter into His throne room, with babies on our hip, and rest at the feet of our God who loves us so deeply.
“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16