Growing up, I always dreamed of being an elf from the Lord of the Rings series. My friends and I would act out our own adventures and each would choose a character to be. The boy I had a mega crush on for literal years was always Legolas (he looked identical to him mind you) and I always chose to be Arwin. I am aware that Arwin marries (and is in love with) Stridor…but it didn’t matter to me. I was enamored with the elves. Their beauty, their fighting ability. All of it.

We watched the Hobbit not long ago (I introduced *forced* my husband and oldest son to watch all 3 movies with me. Not back-to-back, I’m not a psycho) and I realized something incredible. And younger me would be horrified by this realization…but I am actually a hobbit. By nature, and definition…a full-blown Hobbit. Gardening, cooking really yummy food, living simply, reading books, collecting thrifted things, having dinner parties (eating with friends), rarely leaving home and being ready to return home as soon as an event is over.

Why does this matter? I guess it really doesn’t. Except that to me it does. I am learning that it is ok to be simple. To love being home and inviting others into my home. To garden and cook and read my days away. To love my family and serve and play with my children. As a child the elves signified perfection, beauty, having it all together, luxury. There is nothing wrong with any of those things, if that is what you love. But for me, I have always been the girl who read too many books, taught myself to play guitar (mostly Taylor Swift songs), and hated the idea of going out every single night. It just wasn’t who I was. It’s not who I am.

It’s taken a long time getting used to being myself. To loving who she is. Who I am. A lot of this is because I have spent more time getting to know Jesus and who he says I am. I have never felt so confident and sure in myself than right now. I’m not perfect at it. There are more days than not that I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing with my life or feel like I’m not living up to who I think I should be…you know, all the stuff we thought we would have figured out by now.

But when it comes down to it, I’m also not seeking for worth in guys anymore. Or in friendships. Or even in a job title. I’ve lost all 3 of those things at some point or another in my life and it was crushing. Everything I thought I was becoming stripped in the blink of an eye. Suddenly, I had to figure out who on earth this girl in the mirror was…if I even liked her and how to learn to live with her. Not for the faint of heart, let me tell you.

Perhaps you’re in a similar season…or just went through one. Where you just aren’t sure who you are. If you like that person. Or how to learn to like them so that you can live in the fullness of peace and joy. I wish I had a 3-step program to help you figure all your questions out without going through the messy middle. But the messy middle is part of the story. Dare I say, the best part? It doesn’t feel like it at the time, I know. But the lessons learned there, the holy strength found, the immeasurable joy hidden in the trenches is all worth every single heavy step, friend.

The best advice I can give is to just keep moving. Keep walking forward. Praying. Journaling. Gardening. Whatever it is that brings a spark of joy to your life, keep doing that thing. Pretty soon you will look up and realize that the ground has leveled, the flowers are blooming and that girl in the creek’s reflection is so beautiful, familiar and comforting to you that you aren’t sure how you ever missed seeing her before. 

I need you to know that as I’m writing to you, music from The Shire is playing on the tv. It may have had a heavy influence in my hobbit comparison before. But I still stand by everything I said. LOTR fan or not, I hope you find your inner-Hobbitness and just enjoy life. It’s being lived right this second around you. Go find it!