I recently made a commitment to something that I have been excited (and nervous) about. However, it has not looked like what I *thought* it was going to. 

Hello unmet expectations. You were not invited. 

I found myself grumbling all day long and not looking forward to going simply because this part of it is not what I signed up for. And for the record, I hate cryptic “I have a problem but won’t tell you what it is” type of messages too. I know this is one but “my commitment” is not the most important part of this. Trust me, ok?

As I was grumbling and thinking of quietly making an exit, I heard that tiny voice inside. The one that is uncomfortable to listen to because it is always right (no offense, God).

***

Here is a run-down of the inner-dialogue as I sat in car line this afternoon:

God-“Did you not make a commitment to give me these 2 hours?”

Me- “Yes, but I don’t want to spend my time doing *that*. You know I didn’t sign up for this.”

God- “Did you commit to giving me these 2 hours?”

Me- “Yes.”

God- “Do you trust that I am still using you, even if it doesn’t look how you planned the night going? Are you still willing to sacrifice your night so that others can hear my voice?”

Gut-punch. Ouch. 

***

You see, the specifics of “my commitment” don’t matter because this scenario can apply to ANYTHING that we have handed over to God. A job, a Bible study, a friendship, a marriage, a fill-in-the-blank.

Handing it over to God means giving Him the control and trusting that His way truly is best and His plans are greater than our own. It means laying down our own plans and leaving them right there on the altar without ever knowing what comes next.

Even when that means our circumstances do not look like what we have signed up for, do we trust God enough to stick with Him in it? Do we trust that He has a reason for taking us left when we swore right was the only direction that makes sense?

Will I still serve God if it means sacrificing something different than what I already willingly gave?

I know some days are easier to trust Him. Some circumstances are easier to hand over to him.

Can I be honest? My heart is still feeling a little frustrated about this and I haven’t been very kind to my children (or myself) today. But I am praying my way through each wave of frustration and disappointment and anxiety that threatens to swallow me whole.

I made a commitment to you, God. Help me to keep it, no matter what you ask of me.

***

Tonight in the car on the way to this event, I prayed for a humble, joyful and willing heart to do whatever is asked of me. No matter what it would be. Almost immediately, help was needed and I without hesitation jumped up and went. 20 minutes later my friend came in and offered to switch places so that I could be a part of the event tonight.

God did not have to offer the chance to switch places. I am fully aware that he could have let me stay right there in the position to serve differently from what I had planned. His ways are not ours and He can absolutely do whatever he wants to. But sometimes, in His goodness, He lets us have the desires of our heart once we surrender and put our trust in Him. It is truly better this way.

***

So, I want you to think about what it is in your life that maybe isn’t going how you planned or looking as you thought it would. Maybe it is something big and life-altering (job change, marriage trouble, grief, loss). Or maybe it is something so seemingly small that you aren’t sure why it’s so hard to hand over (your wednesday nights, a lunch date with that friend, early mornings). Whatever it is, do you trust that God is good and that he knows best? Do you believe that he can still use you and your circumstances, even if life looks nothing like you ever imagined? 

It is hard, I know it is. I’m writing as a friend sitting across from you in the coffee shop, gripping my mug while also wondering how we do this.

I think it all starts with a willingness to surrender everything and to trust in the One who created us for such times as these. Lets live open-handed in expectation of the great things our God is going to do.